One Month To Go

It's exactly one month before the due date of our first child and the day before I turn 30. Who knew that we'd all be in our respective places and this respected moment? What does one do to prepare to bring a new life into this world we call Life? Take a birthing class.

Our birthing class is quite humorous because we "see" and "hear about" things that are freaking hilarious no human should have to endure. There were the different techniques to deal with the pain of child birth, such as Vocalization: Really its just you sitting there moaning like a wild animal caught in a bear trap and just waiting for a predator to come eat you. This is what we've had the most fun imitating at various moments throughout the pregnancy. I personally like Breathing. Yeah, I'm serious. Breathing is a technique to deal child birth pain. I want to meet the genius that thought of that one. "Ted! Ted! I got this great idea! Let's tell all these pregnant women to just breathe while they're in pain and we'll write a book about it! We can't lose!"

Something else about birthing class is the marvelous explanations that come from supposed "experts." There were the "ways you can tell if your child is hungry." This was a five minute section of the video and it pretty much listed everything an infant can do besides sleep. Things such as: Putting its hand towards it's mouth, making sucking mouth movements, turning the head towards the breast, crying, breathing, etc. We laughed pretty hard at the class and afterward about that one, "Honey, I think she's hungry." "Why's that?" "She just wrote a thesis on why we'll see a man on Mars before she dies." "I'll go get the bottle."

Right now, we are sitting here marveling at the wonder that is Fetus Hiccups. The kid gets them twice a day which puzzles me because aren't hiccups caused by diaphragm spasms caused by a short intake of breath. How does the kid do that? It has the umbilical cord feeding oxygen to it but it's not breathing yet, right? This is further proof that there are some things that God does just because he likes watching our reactions to certain stimuli. Like body odor.

Thus ends the first of many posts. (I promise they won't be as long in the future... Maybe)