Valuable Lessons

This is what it's all about, Kids: Time with Dad™ is a commodity that cannot be taken lightly. This is valuable time that you have to ensure your child is adhering to only the highest standards of academic learning. You remember the magic tricks right? Well I decided that this is a commodity too often missed in a young adolescent's existence. So without further ado, I give you the first of many editions known as Time with Dad™. Use only as directed:

Watch as V shows you what to do if someone tries to suck your brain out.

First, act like you're interested and having fun.

Then hypnotize them with your mind powers.

While they are under your powers, stick your hand in their mouth.

Reach all the way into their brain cavity and grab all of their brains out.

Success! Without brain powers they lose all motor functions!

Solid Food

Two days in a row of posts? I know, I know. I spoil you people. However, I had some serious requests for more pictures of V with her solid food shenanigans. Let me first divulge what occurred earlier: We noticed she was getting hungry sooner than usual as well as eating more than she had before. Therefore, Momma called the Dr. and the Dr. said "No more monkeys jumping on the bed! Go ahead and try giving her solid food." What follows are pictures of this venture:

Here she was all ready to go and we notice she's not wearing something nice to commemorate the occasion.

Now she's embarrassed because she knows its a special occasion.

First couple bites go in like a pro!

They also go out just as professionally.

When doesn't want any more, she means it.

Success! We emerge victorious and (relatively) unscathed from our first solid food feeding!

Two Weeks Gone

Just like that. Gone. We had two weeks just fly. Fly like the proverbial wind! Three weeks ago we went to Seaside to the ole Jeremy Torture Festival 2010 Hanson Family Beach House Trip. There were many games, meals and drinks had by all. The fact is that some vacations are relaxing, some are stressful and some are fun. This one was all of those in varying percentages. Are you hearing me folks? Yes, some of it was actually fun. Remind me of that the next time I'm wondering what I'm doing living so close to my in-laws.

The next week I worked 3:00 AM shifts all week because we had people on vacation at work. It was also the week of April's brother Aaron's wedding. Also, her extended family was in from California and Massachusetts. We had a total of 4 hours that week alone together. So this last week was spent just catching up on sleep and getting to know each other better. Here are some WACKY MOMENTS from the last couple weeks and the debut of a new post label - The Fam:

V: It's right there Dad!
Dad: Oh... So it is...
Mom: V! You're so smart!

April's two favorite people chillin on the beach.

The happy family on their way to V's first dip in the ocean!

Check out how much V loves the ocean!

Gaze upon us as we laugh maniacally at her plight!

What is this? She enacts revenge upon us in her diaper!

Hot enough for ya?

We went down to Eastern Oregon for my grandparents' memorial last weekend. In order to get to the appropriate location for the memorial we had to drive to the Snake River. We were so far east in Oregon that we could look across the river and see Idaho. I would've swam there if I had gear. Thought about it, pretty seriously. Alas, there was no gear. There are people that live there year round and it takes literally a year if you're carrying a 3 month old about an hour to get to any kind of "civilization." If you want to see where we went, here's the web address from Umatilla:
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=d&source=s_d&saddr=I-82+E&daddr=Snake+River+Rd&geocode=FTqnvAIdtEzj-A%3BFW49qAIdi6cE-Q&hl=en&mra=ls&sll=45.352145,-117.971191&sspn=1.806626,5.410767&ie=UTF8&ll=45.247821,-118.24585&spn=1.809952,5.410767&t=h&z=8

I know what you're thinking: What the heck is out there? Essentially, nothing and no one which is why my grandparents enjoyed it so much. They could fish, camp and just exist without the craziness of corporate America. We got to see extended family that we hadn't seen in a while so that was nice. Here are some pictures from the trip:

We told her she was going to Oregon for the first time and she was happy.

Then we showed her the map to where we were going.

Cousin Elliott was there and he is one serious dude.

He tried to do a cannonball on the floor but it didn't work so well.

We went to the "Where are the watermelons" Watermelon Festival and V wasn't very happy.

Until she got some watermelon.

Magic Tricks

Days spent with Dad are not wasted. There are learning experiences every minute. Constant stimulation and teaching are a must if your kid is supposed to become a professional (insert huge salaried position here). Every hour wasted in front of the TV is $10,000 less salary a year. So we're starting off small with simple magic tricks. Later we'll move onto throwing touchdown passes and hitting home runs. Hey its the 21st century. Girls can do that stuff too, right? Anyway, here's a small recap of the tricks:

V: So I'm sitting here acting perfectly normal and I want a book to read. There's nothing up this sleeve.

V: Nothing up this sleeve. Nothing in my mouth. When all of a sudden...

V: Boom... Outta here... That's right Copperfield, I stole your stare!

V: For my next trick, I will make this frog jump onto my lap!

V: Frogs are harder to move than books, so absolute concentration is essential!

V

V: Boom... Outta here... Yeah you know it, I'm DA COOLEST!

Greatest Triumph Ever

Well, that's what April calls it. We finally got V to take the bottle. All it took was an 18 hour starving session. Here's the history of what was the most trying week in V's short existence:

For two solid weeks, every time we gave her the bottle she would scream and/or cry. It wasn't necessarily the most fun we've ever had with her. There's not something that I can think of off the top of my head that is more trying/frustrating/infuriating/insert-'ing'-word-here than watching your child refuse food. You know it's good for her and she's going to like it once she gets it, but the process hurts. I liken it to riding a bike: You fall many times and skin a few knees but you're awesome once you learn it. Same with the bottle. Many knees were skinned.

So we get to last Thursday and it's Dad's job to essentially starve the child into submission. It takes literally 18 hours from the time she ate on Wednesday at 8:00 pm to about 2:00 on Thursday for her to take the bottle. But her father is the Greatest Child Feeding Technician West of the Pecos a consummate professional and stuck through it. Then she took another one 4 hours later. Yup, Dad is DA COOLEST!

The real test was the next day when it was Mom's turn. She went ahead and took the bottle for her too though. Then the actual test was the day after when it was the babysitter's turn. She took it then too. So now she's a bottle-feeding freak. She can down 5 ounces in less than 5 minutes. So there it is, the demons have been vanquished and we have immersed victorian. Here are some celebratory pictures:

That's right, she can be taught!

We told her to blow bubbles... She's learning.

Her true feelings about bath-time are unmistakable.

First picture with all three of our pets together!

Photographic proof that V enjoys the outdoors.

Coolest. Dog. Ever. (But not really...)

Home with Dad

Today is the hottest day of the year so far... if you don't live on the east coast... or in the Southwest... or in Eastern Washington... Heck, people around here are nuts. It's 90 degrees and people call in sick for work and STAY HOME! They're too hot to do anything, including work. I'm amazed at the extent that people will miss work, lose credibility and the like for one day of heat. Yes friends, it's like the heat got to them. Anyway, I hope that if you're in this general vicinity that you will beat the heat somehow. We're planning on driving to Canada sitting in the shade with a Mojito or Mint Julep made with mint straight from our wonderful 9 plant garden.

Speaking of staying home with your kid on your day off, V got the opportunity for her second full day off with her Dad today. Here are some pictures of attempts to capture V smiling (we took 78 pictures... but alas!). These pictures are themed "Value Lessons from Dad":

Here's the face you make if you see a cute guy.

What to do when you smell a fart?

What to do if it's you...

If you win the lottery?

Being incredulous...

An actual smile! It only took about 70 to get to this one.