Mobile Creature

Everyone tells you that your kid is going to be active and get into everything. It's one of those things that people say things like "Just wait for it" and "Make sure you get a tall tree with branches off the ground." Then you get to that point and the kid gets into everything. EVERYTHING! You work all those weeks trying to get the kid to crawl and then you regret it the first time she eats the tree. But it all works out in the end because trees have fiber and she's been a little backed up lately.

Fortunately for us we document some of these moments of grandeur like sitting up and killing the tree. Now you can see it all for yourself! As Christmas nears I'm sure we'll have much more from the realm of Tree Eating. For now, enjoy these tidbits of V's latest accomplishments:

Sitting up all by herself & giving the "It ain't no thang!" look.

 But show her a cookie and she's all smiles.

I was there the whole time I just photoshopped myself out of the picture.

V: You mean I can really get something off the tree?

V: Hmmm... tastes like chicken.

V: You mean I can keep it? I love Christmas!

It's Christmas!

Yes friends, it's that time of year where everyone else but me gets a huge amount of time off work and school. While you were getting insane on Black Friday, I was cleaning up after you. It's all about job security folks. Anyway, we had a great time decorating the outside and inside of the house as well as getting our tree Black Friday morning. When you think about it, it's the bestest time to get the tree because all of those morons are waiting in line for 6 hours for a TV that's going to break in a year essentially paying my salary. Thanks guys!

We had a great time doing it so we wanted to share the venture with you. Considering it was the first time we'd cut down our tree with child, it went FRIGGIN AMAZING. Hope you enjoy:

This was the end product. Why is it hazy? It's snowing 6.5"!

V is loving her first trip to the tree farm!

Here is the (allegedly) perfect tree and I've got pictures of all the rejects if you want 'em.

The tree rocks! Look at all the ladies that it's attracted.

I just ripped it out of the ground because saws are for girls.

Well it was a rough day, the tree was decorated and V is going to bed.

Impersonations

Has it really been almost a month since I've graced you with pictures of our little V? Yes, it has been a busy month for us. We had V's first Halloween, V's first trip to Portland and her 6 month appointment. Did we take pictures of any of those momentous occasions? No we didn't. As new parents, we are the exact opposite of most parents, straying from any sort of status quo. There's no way we're taking hundreds of pictures of our child! That's what everyone else does and we don't follow the crowd.

We take pictures of V doing Impersonations! Can you guess the characters, TV show and/or movies that she's impersonating? Leave a comment and take a guess! Huge prizes! Win Big! Check out V in these classic movie moments:

"POW! Right in the kisser!"

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse"

"1.2 JIGOWATTS? GREAT SCOTT!"

"Go ahead... Make my day."

"AAAAAAAAA CHOO!"

"Nothing can stop the CLAW!"

Dress Up/Down

The truth about kids is that they hate to wear clothes. You have to give them candy or beer in order for them to smile with clothes on. Then if you decide to take pictures of them with their clothes off, they look at you like an idiot. Seriously, I wonder about our sanity sometimes because if we put ourselves into the minds of our children we might be a little more hesitant to act. Don't believe me? Allow me to put my mind-reading skills to the test again:

V: I'm cold.

 

V: I'm hungry.

V: I'm cold and hungry and you're too close for comfort.

V: I'm having a good time because you promised me candy.

V: I'm having a good time because you promised me beer.

V: I'm the cutest thing you've ever seen. Bring it.

Busy Weekend

You'd think it was just an ordinary Pre-Columbus Day weekend but it was a pretty busy one for us. Yes, I know that you might think that preparation for Columbus Day is quite a feat, but we aren't usually big Columbus Day peoples. Grandparents Lee came over Saturday morning and brought rain with them. We hung out for a while doing intelligent things when a friend from Portland, Carrie Ann Baker, was in town and decided to drop by for a visit. That night April threw her mom a surprise birthday party that was a smashing success.

The next day we went to the Puyallup Oktoberfest and watched Sophie compete in the Wiener Dog Race. Having no expectations entering the competition, we decided it would be best to invite the entire family over. Surprisingly, she won her first heat! Then whilst we waited for the Semis, we played Wash Ringer, Cornhole Toss and got totally wasted tried a few German beers. In the Semis Sophie unfortunately got third, losing to the eventual winner. Good times were had by all. Below are some pics from the Busy Weekend:

Check out that cleavage! V's motto: If ya got it, flaunt it!

April's party: A smashing success!

Sophie was totally beat after the races.

This kid LOVES real food!

OK, OK you can go home with Gammy and The FOG.

Ha ha! Just kidding! This kid will believe anything!

Diva Extraordinaire

Extraordinaire it is. Yes friends, on the only day that April wants to dress V up to take pictures she gets all diva on us and decides not to smile. Seriously, it's like the kid knows what's going on and just chooses to be difficult. She was sick too so I guess that's not really under her control. Speaking of sick kids, would you really bring your kid into the public if it was sick? People do this every day and they stroll through my workplace with their screaming kid like nothing is happening. I can feel a blog post about this coming soon.

Anyway, here's V at her dressed up best. Keep in mind she's choosing not to smile. Her life is pretty dang good right now so don't ask me what's got her all riled up:

"Oh here she comes... Watch out hand, she'll chew you up!"

 This is her "I'm humoring you right now" Face.

"Oh here she comes... She's a Handeater!"

 At this moment she's about to dive off the crib.

 Her makeup isn't perfect so she tried to cover the camera.

 At last, after 216 pictures, we find perfection.

It's Football Season

Yes Friends, we interrupt this marriage to bring you: Football Season. You want to know the best thing about the Football Season? Well, I ain't waiting for you to answer. It's announcers! Everyone's favorite part! It's probably the most fun you'll ever have: Just sitting there with a beer in one hand, some tailgater food in the other and listening to the asinine things that announcers say every Sunday in the National Football League. You loved it when we talked about it in April, well here we are in the season and it's time to go over the next three things you need to do in order to succeed as a Sports Announcer:

Four: Nothing is absolute. Even if you just said something like "The Saints won the Super Bowl last year." That's not absolute. You're never entirely sure. If you say "That was definitely defensive holding," if the replay show's that it wasn't, go ahead and change your mind! You get paid $800,000 to speak your opinion. If it was wrong, there's nothing in your contract that says you can't change your mind. Besides it's more important to be right than it is to look like an idiot. If you're looking at a great example of this, watch any game Phil Simms calls. I guarantee you'll see a shining example in the first 3 minutes of the first quarter.

Five: When you're asking questions to a player or coach, be annoying. Ask the most annoying question you can fathom. If a quarterback just lost the Super Bowl, ask something like "How does it feel to lose the single biggest game of your career?" They have to answer it. They're on National Television and they'll give you the generic answers "Well, the other team played great and they deserved to win and BLAH BLAH BLAH." This happens unless the player or coach has an actual personality or is extremely angry. Then you get such gems as "I'M A MAN! I'M 40!" or "THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!" and "PLAYOFFS?"

Six: Laugh at all humor attempts your co-announcer tries. You want them to do them to do the same for you right? If you fail to laugh at them just once, the next time you insert a zinger into your commentary: Dead Air. You look like a total Chump just like your co-host did. Also, make sure your laughter sounds genuine. Nothing's worse then a fake laugh to make the viewers uncomfortable. John Madden ultimately had to retire because people would laugh heartily at his attempts to be funny but it would take him 45 minutes to react to his co-host's attempts. Be timely and you'll sound like a true Sports Announcer.

Valuable Lessons

This is what it's all about, Kids: Time with Dad™ is a commodity that cannot be taken lightly. This is valuable time that you have to ensure your child is adhering to only the highest standards of academic learning. You remember the magic tricks right? Well I decided that this is a commodity too often missed in a young adolescent's existence. So without further ado, I give you the first of many editions known as Time with Dad™. Use only as directed:

Watch as V shows you what to do if someone tries to suck your brain out.

First, act like you're interested and having fun.

Then hypnotize them with your mind powers.

While they are under your powers, stick your hand in their mouth.

Reach all the way into their brain cavity and grab all of their brains out.

Success! Without brain powers they lose all motor functions!

Solid Food

Two days in a row of posts? I know, I know. I spoil you people. However, I had some serious requests for more pictures of V with her solid food shenanigans. Let me first divulge what occurred earlier: We noticed she was getting hungry sooner than usual as well as eating more than she had before. Therefore, Momma called the Dr. and the Dr. said "No more monkeys jumping on the bed! Go ahead and try giving her solid food." What follows are pictures of this venture:

Here she was all ready to go and we notice she's not wearing something nice to commemorate the occasion.

Now she's embarrassed because she knows its a special occasion.

First couple bites go in like a pro!

They also go out just as professionally.

When doesn't want any more, she means it.

Success! We emerge victorious and (relatively) unscathed from our first solid food feeding!

Two Weeks Gone

Just like that. Gone. We had two weeks just fly. Fly like the proverbial wind! Three weeks ago we went to Seaside to the ole Jeremy Torture Festival 2010 Hanson Family Beach House Trip. There were many games, meals and drinks had by all. The fact is that some vacations are relaxing, some are stressful and some are fun. This one was all of those in varying percentages. Are you hearing me folks? Yes, some of it was actually fun. Remind me of that the next time I'm wondering what I'm doing living so close to my in-laws.

The next week I worked 3:00 AM shifts all week because we had people on vacation at work. It was also the week of April's brother Aaron's wedding. Also, her extended family was in from California and Massachusetts. We had a total of 4 hours that week alone together. So this last week was spent just catching up on sleep and getting to know each other better. Here are some WACKY MOMENTS from the last couple weeks and the debut of a new post label - The Fam:

V: It's right there Dad!
Dad: Oh... So it is...
Mom: V! You're so smart!

April's two favorite people chillin on the beach.

The happy family on their way to V's first dip in the ocean!

Check out how much V loves the ocean!

Gaze upon us as we laugh maniacally at her plight!

What is this? She enacts revenge upon us in her diaper!