Impression Day

Here are some older, newer but all never before released photos of V. It's "Impression Day" here at the ole Blog. See your favorite characters from your past, all relived before you here at "Impression Day!"

This is her impression of the Bearded Lady.

April after she's had one too many to drink...

Holding it all in so dad doesn't have to change it. I call this Good Girl.

Momma's Little Angel. (I'd post one of me holding her, but she's always crying.)

Derek Zoolander's Blue Steel... or Magnum...

A Munchkin of Oz: "We represent The Lollipop Guild, The Lollipop Guild, The Lollipop Guild!"

The NFL Draft

The first round of the 2010 NFL Draft was today. It's hilarious folks. Seriously, have you ever watched it? It's 10-15 lucky chumps that get paid to talk experts that wax eloquent about the prospect of a college athlete making their future NFL teams into much better NFL teams. Here's an actual quote (almost): "If this guy does the same or better than he did in college, there's no reason to doubt that he won't make it in the National Football League." What does that mean?

There are three things that you need to do in order to succeed as TV Sports Announcer:
One: Say all acronyms completely. None of this NFL, MLB or SCUBA junk; You hammer out National Football League, Major League Baseball or Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. Try this one and watch yourself get smoked by some Foo. "Hey didn't the National Aeronautics and Space Administration increase all of their Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act paperwork because a Central Intelligence Agency worker stole an Automated Teller Machine and contracted Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus?" Yeah, that's right... you're the coolest.

Two: Talk in extreme hyperbole and generalities. Use words like: upside, value and potential to describe someone good and downside, issues and gamble to describe someone bad. Say things like: "This wildly entertaining defensive back has the strength of 1,000 men and if he stays positively healthy is going to be a great value, but if he's hit with a devastating or debilitating injury his potential will be severely limited causing people to insatiably wonder if this hugely controversial pick was a gamble that could result in an earthquake of epic proportions."

Three: Learn the language. There's a lingo that goes along with the "sports world." Start sentences with "You talk about..." and then insert what ever the heck everyone else has been saying about the subject for the last 20 years and you're money. When you agree with someone, you can't just agree with a simple "I agree." You have to say almost the exact thing that the person you're agreeing with said; but word it in a way that people don't think you're saying it. Practice the next time someone says "I love pizza." Then say, "Pizza IS great but when you talk about pizza, you have to talk about the best part about pizza and that's the tremendous upside it has over other comparable food."

Sleep Deprivation Rocks

It's been almost a full week since our sleep has been altered by this creature others call "the baby." I have to say that the worst part about this kid has been that we now have no "personal" time. It's strange because we used to have days off from each other and time to do our own thing but that ain't happening any more, Peoples. Sounds pretty selfish right? Well it is. It's what people say is the "reason" why people have children: You have children so God can teach you humility, unselfish behavior and how to operate on three hours of light cat naps per night. The fact is that you really get your first lesson when you get married and all decision making privileges get instantly revoked you have to start talking about things. Then when you have this kid your life instantly becomes even less about you and more about your family. God has funny ways of teaching us to think about others: It's called force.

Anyway, here are some more pictures because I know everyone's been waiting with reckless abandon to see more of the Kid.

Proud mom with her daughter trying to eat the burp rag instead of burp into it.

This is the only time she's ever been normal since we've had her.

Just had her first beer and she zonked. She's a light-weight just like her mom!

This is before we told her she's going to have to pay for her own college education.

And this is right after...

At her first Doctor's visit. All systems nominal.

Vivian Renee Lee: 8lb 2oz, 21 "

A couple of you thought I was joking but we did actually go to the hopsicle to have a kid. I say this only because you read that last entry and I was pretty casual about it. I posted that 6 hours before we went. Yes friends, I have PSE and Lysdexia. Needless to say, Vivian Renee Lee now exists among us. You'll note throughout the Blog that I will affectionately refer to her as V or The Kid.

For those of you that will or want to ask, here's a rundown of what happened (All times are approximate):
4/11 - 6:00 pm - April says "It's time to go." I take this as a sign that she's probably not kidding. She works in a blasted medical clinic folks! I'm pretty sure it's time. So we went.
7:00 - We get checked in and they tell us that we have to wait an hour to see if we can stay.
8:00 - We get to stay.
9:00 - April's mom comes in. We discussed things like how we want to "go natural" (which if you've never had a kid, sounds worse than it actually is), our timeline and other normal things. Keep in mind at this point everything is normal. Soon after this, my mom comes in. Everything was going normal.
11:00 - Everything was going normal up until this time, did I say that? So then April starts feeling some pain, babies heart rate drops, the nurse screws something up and we get totally bum rushed by 4 nurses and a doctor who half force April into doing an Epidural. Let me just say something right now, this was the second weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. Probably the first for April.
4/12 - 12:00 am - April's mom, my mom and I still reeling from the shock of what just happened but at least she's resting. It's pretty boring now.
3:00 - Still boring.
6:00 - Still boring but Starbizzle just opened so we rejoice accordingly.
8:00 - ALRIGHT ALREADY, DO SOMETHING!!! We're a little frustrated at this point but she's progressed enough to "start thinking about pushing here really soon."
9:00 - Dr. comes in and she figures out that V is (as they say in the medical biz) Sunny Side Up. So she's either got to turn or she ain't coming out the way she came in. I think that works... So April starts moving around a whole bunch to get her to turn. At this point we realize the epidural has worn off and actually come out. Begin countdown to pain.
10:00 - Begin pain. V has turned enough to start pushing so April starts pushing... and pushing...
10:30 - And pushing...
11:00 - And pushing...
11:30 - We have liftoff! There she is bringing down the house with the wails of a champion!

What follows is a picture gallery of some fun moments before and after the pregnancy. Enjoy yourselves and your sleep.

This is us about one month before the due date. We've been sleeping pretty well up until this point.

Approximately 5 minutes after the delivery. Sitting like a lady already!

Grandma's first grandchild! We couldn't get her out of her hands for about 6 hours after this.

April only authorized one picture of her after the birth. Here you go.

I told her to do her best impression of a mad turtle. Pretty good, huh?

First couple moments in the new room at the hopsicle and we're alert and ready to exist.

April didn't authorize this picture but I'm putting it up anyway. We're on our way home!

Her first moment in her new home! She just loves the decor!

An Opportune Moment

Is there such a thing as "An Opportune Moment?" We've all heard people say that something happened at an "inopportune"moment, but have you ever heard anyone say "Wow, that happened at such an opportune moment it couldn't have been any more perfect!" Take child birth for instance. There are chemical ways of making the child come at what one would consider "An Opportune Moment" but really there's no way of making it comes at exactly the right time. We're trying to figure out what day or time frame would be the most opportune for us, based on work schedules and blah blah blah. However, the baby will come whenever God tells it to come. Too bad He won't tell us when that time is because we've asked and He ain't telling.

If April has anything to say about it, it'll happen a week ago. All in all we're pretty sure that it's coming soon because we're getting anxious. I'm confident that we'll get fed up with it soon and use the vacuum to suck it out just let it happen when it happens. The nice thing is that when it does happen, it'll be in God's time and, if I'm not mistaken, at the Opportune Moment.

Well, we're off to the hospital to have the Kid.

Nursery Pics

Happy Easter! We had a whole smattering of people that wanted to see pictures of the Kid's nursery so here you go. This was fully endorsed and designed by April and her mother. The only thing that I did was hang the window frames and put her picture in the frame. You could say I was framed... Yes, thank you, thank you! I'll be here all week!