Meet Your Cousin

April took Vivian to her cousin Connor's house and they all decided to see what would happen if they put them down next to each other. Well, as with any interaction among people that can't talk, you can't really hear what happened. Fortunately for you, I can read minds. Here is the hilarity that ensues within the interaction of newly found cousins :

V: Does anyone else see that I'm taller than this dude AND I'm 6 months younger? Raise your hand if you're with me.
C: What the heck? I've got at least two pounds on you, Twig!

V: I'm also a better dancer. Boom, boom, boom, shake da room YO!
C: Maybe, but I'm a better singer!

C: 99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL! 99 BOTTLES OF BEER!
V: Better singer? I'll show you!

V: PUNCHED!!! Boom... outta here!
C: Ooooooooh weeeeeeeep...

C: Oh my head! Maybe if I bite my hand it won't hurt as bad...
V: What have I done? As punishment, I must roll off the blanket!

C: Wait! Don't end yourself! I forgive you.
V: Whew... that was a close one. I'm sorry. I hope we all learned something from this: Violence is not the answer. Let's go eat.

1/12 Birthday

Today V turned 1... Month. People keep track of this stuff. Seriously. We didn't get any cards or calls but people know it. C'mon, you knew it! We're at the one month mark which means that she's doing new things or different things compared to when she was 1 minute old. Here's a list of stuff that she's starting to do:

• Hold her head up for 11.29 seconds.
• Cries when she has a bath.
• Grabs her pacifier out of her mouth.
• Cries when she gets changed.
• Sucks on Daddy's Nose ™ when he can't find a pacifier.
• Cries when she's tired.
• Stands up (assisted) and gives you weird looks.
• Cries when you're sleeping.
• Vulcanizes your tires while you wait.
• Cries when she's breathing.

So you can see she's amassed a plethora of wild and wooly tricks. We've actually been impressed with her progress thus far. Hopefully she'll be detailing cars soon because we could use that skill in the family. The fact is that we're very proud parents thus far and are looking forward to seeing what she does next. We'll keep you posted.

Parent's are delusional. I know everyone says they have the cutest kid, smartest kid, etc. But really, have you ever seen a baby cuter than ours? You haven't and you know it. There's really no way you can convince any parent that their kid isn't the cutest, unless the kid looks like Rocky after fighting Apollo. Then they'll probably agree with you. I say probably because, as we've just discussed, parents are delusional. Ya know what though... She is the cutest baby... ever.

Boyfriends

Yesterday we had the Posenjaks and their three sons over for Cinco de Mayo. Twas a una buena noche had by all. The only problem with the visit was that Vivian now is oggling any male that walks by has an affinity for guys. There she was sitting like a lady, batting her baby eyelashes as she was surrounded by three strapping young lads. I know that she's a hottie but I thought I wasn't going to have to lock her up until she was 21 years not 21 days. Ya can't win 'em all. This is unfortunate because I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to lock her up with her mother around showing her off to everyone. I'll keep you posted.

On a brighter note, I brewed a baby beer in honor of V's entrance into oxygen breathing existence. It's an American Amber Wheat style beer. It's called "Baby, Baby Can't You Drink My Heart Wheat" in honor of V's second favorite band, Herman's Hermits. If you'd like a taste, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to the address on your screen. Vivian tasted it and said "Quite possibly the finest Amber Wheat I've ever tasted, even if it is the first one I've ever tasted." Here are some pictures to wet your whistle whilst you wait for your envelope to get mailed back to you:

This is what we found on our doorstep the morning of her birthday.

We told her to strike a sexy pose and this is what she did. Very tasteful!

She's talking to the flowers here telling them how cool her Dad is.

We told her the feathers were edible.

Then after she ate them, we told her we were kidding.

We'd like to show you what happened next but we censored it for those with weak stomachs.